so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
