I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
