they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
