The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
