It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dicks are not precious.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
