He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize