I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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