she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
