i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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