How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
