cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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