She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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