Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize