will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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