I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
