yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
