I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
