if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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