Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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