the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
