Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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