he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
