I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
