The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
