could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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