totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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