here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
