its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize