she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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