just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
