the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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