so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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