Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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