i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
