did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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