I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
