Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize