Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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