You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
