its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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