I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
