My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
