I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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