It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
