The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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