I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it's like iHOP with fire
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
