He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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