I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
