so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
