we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
