This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
