I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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