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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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