That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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