I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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