I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
