we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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