I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
