I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
