dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
