if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
