I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
