You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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