well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
