I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
