I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
