What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
