my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
