the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
