Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
