there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
