i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
