I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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