I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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