dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
