Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
