i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You dont lie about slip and slides
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
