How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
