My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
