I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
