Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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