I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize